Pirates and America

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Pirates and America

A dissertation upon the relation between America and the current Somalian pirate activity, and historic precedence of the same.

Once upon a time, there were pirates in the Atlantic Ocean. They took our ships, burned our women, and raped our churches. Until one day, they said to the new president, Jefferson, 'we want your lunch money (approx $250,000).' Jefferson said, 'I ain't yo bitch' and sent in the Marines to take their ships, perhaps with less burning of women and church raping though. Problem solved.

10 years later, the pirates were back. But this time, they tested the patience of the wrong guy. J Mads was in office, he took one look at the Barbary coast and their insolence, and went back to the Barbary coast, and personally led the marines to the pirate fort, and with the presidential sword at his throat, the nefarious pirate captain renounced his nefarious ways, and never again was there a problem with pirates and Barbary Berbers and friends.

So... is it time to go Barbary on Somalia? Over 80 ships held and hundreds of hostages, and recently, the rules of the game have changed, with hostages being killed and with captured pirates possibly no longer being sentenced in African courts. What is the next step, and should we follow historic precedence*?

*The prior text, while entirely true, may have been slightly embellished for dramatic effect.

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Pirates and America :: Comments


Post on Fri Feb 25, 2011 6:19 pm by strangerthanfiction

(1) I heard your voice reading this aloud.
(2) "I ain't yo bitch" made me laugh aloud.
(3) I can no longer imagine James Madison as such; instead, James Madison looks like Luke Wachob in my mind.
(4) You did not embellish this, I can tell.

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