Top 10 Minor Harry Potter Characters to get their own book

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Top 10 Minor Harry Potter Characters to get their own book

JK Rowling said on Oprah that she could write other Harry Potter books, although she probably wouldn't. Harry's story has been told and is so perfect that it'd be unnecessary to include him as the centerpiece of more books. However, hidden in the cracks of the HP saga are characters I would love to see star in adventures of their own - adventures I've previewed here.

10. The Diaries of Argus Filch: Working Man
There are two groups of people that get very brief consideration in the series but are really tragically unlucky groups: squibs and the Muggle siblings of witches/wizards (like Petunia). Imagine being in that magical world, but not being able to participate in it. You can really sympathize with Filch, especially considering that the kids are always pulling pranks with magic, which must be incredibly hard to deal with without magic. He's insanely under qualified to hold that post. Wouldn't a guy who could do 'Protego' or, shit, maybe 'Lumos' while keeping the peace at night in the world's biggest terrorist target, be a bit of a better hire than Filch? Lucius Malfoy may have had a point with all that 'Dumbledore's screwing up the school' thing he was always talking about before the Dark Lord (v2.0) rose and his life turned to shit.
But anyways, my point is, Filch is both a tragic life to examine, a witness to some awesome shit done by Fred and George (who may re-appear on this list...) and possibly even involve some scenes with Apollyon Pringle, who was caretaker back in the day when the Weasley parents and Marauders were in school - and that dude got to use corporal punishment. So that shit could be real. Finally, you could have Filch's interactions with the various staff at Hogwarts and also his perspective on Harry and his take on what was going on in the original books. It'd be a fun line of thought to go through I bet.

9. Fred and George meet Scooby-Doo
Hey, Fred and George showed up again! What d'you know? Well, anyway, I know it's tough to write about Fred and George because Fred's a little dead, but I still think it could work. Idea #1: George finds the resurrection stone and brings back Fred, and then that's how you can tell which is which - George wears the stone in a ring (and has no ear, and is actually alive). This could create some funny Velma-like moments where the stone gets knocked to the ground and Fred disappears back to the land of the dead while George fumbles for it on the floor: "I can't find the Stone!" he'd cry out, while Peeves wreaked havoc. Personally, I think only Scooby and Shaggy should be brought over, and they'll mostly just hang back and comment on the situation while Fred an George roam the British countryside, solving magical mysteries in their van. Idea #2: Go back to Harry's 5th year's end to the fall of the Ministry and look at Fred and George's business years. They're probably always doing fun, dangerous shit to get to the ingredients they need, and I think it's perfectly reasonable that the Mystery Machine would show up and hang out for a while, probably solve some crimes and get into some mischief with Mundungus. I gotta think this would be the biggest Scobby Doo crossover ever, and let's not forget the potential for an animated special, which would be awesome.

8. Is he really going to write ten of these?

7. British Psycho: Barty Crouch Jr.
"There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing. " Yeah, it's plagiarism, but isn't it worth the lawsuit? He's the greatest Death Eater of all time and I bet he loves 'It's Hip to be Square' - a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should! Because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself!

6. Beating Wood: A Keeper's Story
Oliver Wood, the best back-up Keeper in minor league Quidditch history, has his electrifying story of fame, Quidditch, money, and sex with many a fine young lady, told in this modest 300 page book. You will be - ENTHRALLED by detailed analysis of actual Quidditch for no fewer than 5 full chapters - TOUCHED by the picture of the winning Gryffindor team in Harry's third year that Oliver keeps in his footlocker - INFORMED about over two dozen kinds of brooms - DISGUSTED by creepy magical fetishes and Ginny's dark side. Interviews from literally several of his past teammates and competitors complete this all-important biography of Puddlemere United's 3rd-on-the-depth-chart Keeper. You won't want to miss it.

5. Beating Them Off: Ludo Bagman Tells All
Ludo Bagman, best Beater in modern English history, has his electrifying story of fame, Quidditch, money and sex with many a fine young lady told in this modest 300 page book. You w-- hey! This is just like the last book, except involving an actual celebrity. I don't even think JK's trying anymore.

4. Did that last one count as one of the 10 you probably wouldn't do?
Yeah, I think you could. Definitely not 100% effort on that one.

3. Alastor Moody, M.D.
Starring Hugh Laurie, this book depicts Alastor in his later years, teaching at the Auror academy, with the sassy Tonks and hilariously incapable Dawlish. Alastor's humor is sarcastic and cruel, and his gruff demeanor is off-putting, yet ultimately his talent is so remarkable that the world can't help but love him even as he pushes away those closest to him. A great opportunity for a Dumbledore cameo and lots of flashbacks to his Death Eater hunting days, as well as the original Order, which has the appeal of a brief interaction with the Marauders or maybe even the Longbottom parents, who would've made the list on their own if I had really tried to do 10.

2. Catcher in the Rye
The Knight Bus isn't a workplace every man could manage. But Stan Shunpike is one such unique fellow, and his misadventures across the country seeking lower-class, reckless, uneducated fun make up a book so utterly meaningless, it becomes a philosophical landmark of our time. You'll wonder if he's a prophet, a voice of a generation, a messiah gone unnoticed by the masses. He won't be any of those things. But oh how'll you wonder. At least we can all enjoy the funny way he talks. "What choo fall ova for?"

1. Of all the numbers to skip, wouldn't #1 be the stupidest one to?
I'm not going to speculate on the subject.


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Top 10 Minor Harry Potter Characters to get their own book :: Comments

Post on Sat Dec 04, 2010 6:19 pm by dohnage18

Actually, some of these have decent thought behind them....

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Post on Sun Dec 05, 2010 2:08 pm by strangerthanfiction

I like these ideas, but I'm not sure if I can forgive you for referring to Tonks as "sassy." "Feisty," yes. "Spunky," okay, I can deal with that. But "sassy" is... how can you do that to poor Tonks?

Also Catcher in the Rye was one of the worst books I've ever read. I understand its significance, but honestly Holden feels like such a phony himself that I don't understand why he's so popular.

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Post on Sun Dec 05, 2010 2:35 pm by J-Mads

Yeah I hated Catcher in the Rye.

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Post on Sun Dec 05, 2010 3:02 pm by dohnage18

I read The Catcher in the Rye and laughed hysterically.

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Post on Sun Dec 05, 2010 3:31 pm by strangerthanfiction

I don't care if it's supposed to be "moving" or if it's the first "angry young man" book. I feel like I related to it when I was thirteen, but it's like Perks of Being a Wallflower. I tried to re-read it this summer and I couldn't. There are books that you find at a young age that deeply affect you, but when you get older you realise how strange/alienating they are. I think Catcher is one of them.

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