O Freunde

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O Freunde




Not these tones! Rather let us raise our voices in more pleasing and more joyful sounds!

Refusing to creep tearfully away from this band, I find myself at home in summer. I looked forward to summer so long and now I am here and settled back in. But I lack the great relief I had expected, and instead find something much more nebulous and unsure. No, not to dwell, this is here for a nobler purpose than self pity and indeed I have exhausted myself for seeking some buried meaning in half-forgotten years of random occurrences. There is no catharsis left to attempt, because until one steps forward, they remain where they are and the ground is but itself, not within the control of my delusional revisionism.

So I left my leg upwards to boldly step forward!

Now here is where the problem and the thesis makes its grand appearance, blaring apart what was a peaceful but rather dull procession in the preceding predication. My prior plan of summer-time paralysis of heart, body, and mind is pierced by unexpected pressures, though it was previously blemished, in truth from the moment it was produced, by poor prioritization. The puncture is pulled until the whole project nearly perishes, and I can barely preserve enough to placate myself. Were I pleasant as I expected to be, perhaps this precarious predicament would not pervert my prosperous perceptions of people and warmth, their worth innate and without need of elaboration. However, as I am not, it does, and thus the trombones.

The step is the cure to this illness, or at least temporary escape from its symptoms, which would be just as well. But!

Which step to take? Staring into the depths of three months I had foolishly expected to be best enjoyed in the spirit of monotony, I now recognize that I must... do... something. Something, and I do not think my usual activities will suffice. Even a job would likely leave me unsatisfied with the time that remained mine, so I feel compelled to devise some personal project to motivate my existence this summer. Of course, when more friends return, when the weather improves, this mundane quasi taoism will appeal all the more, but in the moment I would rather discard it. And when I look back on the summer in the future I would like to have something substantive to speak of. Considering that the desires of the present and the far future outweigh those of the near future, my foot is confidently off the ground.

But where to set it down again? What to do, this summer, oh what to do.

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J-Mads

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O Freunde :: Comments

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Post on Sun May 16, 2010 1:34 pm by strangerthanfiction

You should play hopscotch, find the nearest swingset and chill there for an hour, hang out with people who occasionally do drugs, watch movies with them, work at a bookstore and a library, make new friends, and plan to visit me in Kentucky.

I have done all these things (save the hopscotch) except I plan to visit Buffalo. I'm hoping for July. I have so many people I want to hang out with IN PERSON. The internet is wonderful but it is no substitute for seeing somebody.

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Post on Sun May 16, 2010 6:31 pm by AgentW

well, that's because the internet has a different purpose. it just so happens that it has the side effect of communication as well.

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