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So I'm just hanging in my dorm room, chilling out, and I make the greatest philosophical revelation in the history of history. WE. ARE. MONKEYS. Like, legit fucking monkeys, we are indistinguishable from chimps and all other sorts of shit. Nobody but humans would imagine we are anything except ugly monkeys, who lacked hair and occasionally killed themselves. Because we're not.

Now here's the funny part - I am a monkey wearing glasses. Picture it. Glasses. ON A MONKEY! That's unbelievable, I had no god damned idea I was so hilarious looking.

But now here's the fucked up part: when you have sex, you're doing it with a monkey. Doesn't that gross you out? I don't want to pork a monkey, and I don't think many of you do either. It's just sort of weird, and I don't mean to judge because evolutionarily you're right, but still, you want to fuck a monkey? What the hell is wrong with you?

I guarantee you, the first intelligent aliens to land on Earth will not treat us as owners of the planet, and will instead list us as "Like Chimpanzees, only sometimes with hilarious glasses-wearing and monkey-fucking side-effects". So stupid being so fucking smug about it you stupid monkey.


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Monkeys :: Comments


Post on Sun Apr 04, 2010 11:19 am by strangerthanfiction

I am a monkey who wears glasses too! Can we be best friends?

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Post on Sun Apr 04, 2010 1:02 pm by J-Mads

Hmm... I don't really remember a lot of that blog. But sure, we can be best friends!

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