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This is a "boo hoo my life" post. You've been warned.

I don't mean to complain, but my break felt very short. I was doing things pretty much all the time and didn't really get to relax as much as I would have liked. I certainly didn't get to organize and rejuvenate for another half of a semester's worth of work, which I believe is the point of breaks. But more than that, I am currently filled with worrisome depression as I consider that when I arrive back at JMU on Sunday, I might become depressed and worried. Heller styled paradoxes aside, the day I returned to JMU for second semester was my worst day of 2010. I felt alone, cold, sad, and faced a mountain of time and effort before I could again return home. Now the amount of time until I can come back home will again be 8 weeks, one might hope that it should be a bit warmer and brighter but it still is lonely and dirty.

I really do like JMU. But it does not compare to home. I think I like my home more than just about anyone else likes their own. I never said "I can't wait for college" or expressed any sort of contempt for the concept of high school, even if I did complain about some of its components. But the fact of the matter was that I could have easily gone to East for another year, maybe more, because I like being home.

On the flip side, I chose to be away from home for a reason. I'm better when I'm not at home. At home I eat too much, watch too much TV, slack off on work, and never really do anything. It's incredibly comfortable and I'm happy there, but I'm not productive.

Which should I strive for? I think of happiness as a life goal, which I philosophically admit is silly, but still it is attainable and a reason for life ("because god said so" just didn't cut it for me). But to be unproductive, lazy, and stagnant seems to be bad and certainly closes doors. At JMU I have more opportunities, some of which I've seized and I'm better at what I do because of it. But I am not as comfortable or as content.

In a week's time I will be thrilled to be at JMU, but right now I dread returning. I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back. And I'm scared that Sunday might be my worst day of the year.


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Preparation :: Comments


Post on Sat Mar 13, 2010 2:25 am by strangerthanfiction


I'm not sure I would have been able to deal with going to college so far away... I won't lie, I do like coming back to see my parents every 2-3 weeks. It's comforting, and it also means that I don't have to keep pouncing on every quarter I see for the laundry stuff.

I hope that this Sunday will not be so awful for you. I also hope that you know you are not alone. College is weird and being away from home sucks; I keep thinking we live in Buffalo, even though we don't anymore. Just please remember that you're loved, not just by your family but by your friends, wherever they/we are. It's hard to remember it sometimes (I struggle with it all the time), but perhaps it will make the next eight weeks go by faster. I can't believe we're already 10-ish weeks into the year.

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Post on Sun Mar 14, 2010 8:55 pm by J-Mads

Thanks Alex, that means a lot.

I'm doing alright now, I put all my stuff back (goes quickly because I don't have much stuff) and am just laying around. Driving made me tired, hopefully I can go to sleep early. The suite is empty though, which is always baffling, and my room has spoiled milk in it because Charlie left it in the unplugged fridge over break. Ugh. But tomorrow things should be back to normal.

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