Chapter 5: In which Drew decides he should stop talking in third person

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Chapter 5: In which Drew decides he should stop talking in third person




Midterm grades came in! All A- or higher, except Stats, because she seems to have given me a zero for swine flu work, which shouldn't be a zero, but oh well. That can be raised.

So I wanted to give a preview to my new novel: Eulogy for the Living.

I apologize for the formatting changes that may hinder readability upon transfer to the forum:

Jerry walked into the smoke filled room, his mind racing with excitement. He had arrived, invited for the first time, to one of Rick Thompson’s parties. Behold the many passions; Rick Thompson, the Rick Thompson, quarterback of his high school’s, state championship winning, football team, and Homecoming King to boot. It was April, and the week before prom. This, Jerry knew, was the party to be at tonight.
The general emotions of his fellow guests were of mostly shock and humor. Comments ranging from “Is that Jerry Benton?” to “How the Hell did he get invited to this gig?” spread as rumors across the room. Jerry mostly ignored these snide remarks, for despite the obvious vibes of utter dislike, Jerry Benton had an invite clutched firmly in his hand. Carousing past the overwhelming scents of alcohol and pot, Jerry set his eyes on the man he very much respected tonight.
Rick Thompson was busy talking to his fellow teammates in the far right corner of the room. In one hand he held a can of cheap beer, while the other was wrapped tightly around a cheerleader’s waist. Jerry’s head began to ache from all the aromas and heat of the party, but his pride and determination would not lead him to fleeing. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Jerry, he told himself; if you go now then who will ever invite you in the future? This is your chance!
When he had finally reached Rick and his friends, Jerry patiently waited for acknowledgement. The group was having a somewhat humorous conversation on a kid called Parker.
“He dropped out” Paul, the team’s kicker told his friends, “like that was a surprise. That kid gets into so much trouble, amazing he has stayed out of prison”
“He’s smart though” Rick’s cheerleader girlfriend said in her southern accent, “He knows how to get things done.”
“Gangs are trouble though” Rick’s best friend, Alex, piped in. “It won’t be long until he does something stupid and dies.”
“You don’t need a degree to do something with your life” Jerry added, his response slowly registered as the group tried to find the source of the comment.
It was Rick who noticed Jerry first his face displaying pure curiosity before transitioning into a cocky smile. “Jerry! Hey guys,” he exclaimed to the others “He came!”
“Well you did invite me” Jerry pointed out, not sure how to interpret the reactions he had just observed. “So I assume I am expected?”
The smile on Rick’s face turned ever more into a malicious grin as he turned to face his friends, all of who smiled back, except Alex. The cheerleader even let out a giggle. “But of course Jerry, how nice to see you”, he finally said, “Why don’t you join us?” Rick motioned to a chair in the corner that looked quite dilapidated. Before he had sat down; however, Alex spoke.
“Go home, Jerry, that chair is a trap.”
“Al!” Rick moaned disappointed, “why did you have to spoil our fun?”
“It isn’t funny and it isn’t right” Alex retorted, “The only reason Jerry got invited was for you to mess around with him even more than you already do.”
“What’s up with you?” Rick asked “Poor sex with your girl?” As he said this, Rick grabbed tighter on his own girlfriend’s butt causing her to make the annoying giggle again. Alex was silent, but Rick was unrelenting “Well did she do bad?” he asked with even more determination.
“I don’t want to talk about that fucking whore!” Alex suddenly yelled, causing the room to enter an awkward silence. All of Alex’s friends were now staring at him, uncertain of how to proceed. Jerry, on the other hand, just stood completely dumbstruck by the whole conversation. Alex was the captain of the football team, a jock if there ever was one, and there was no way he was going to believe Alex would ever help him out.
With feelings of disgust and uncertainty, Jerry took the offered seat and promptly fell through as the chair broke beneath him. The diversion had caused the focus to return to Jerry, as the whole room started laughing hysterically.
Getting up slowly, Jerry noticed a hand had reached down to help him; it was Alex’s. “I don’t want your fucking help!” Jerry told him, pushing the outstretched hand out of his face. “You were obviously in it, so don’t give me any crap about your girlfriend being a ho, because if you ask me, everyone here is dating a whore, you’re just all too stupid to notice!”
Causing quite a stir, Jerry leapt to his feet, pushed the broken chair out of his way and into the nearest wall. How he felt he understood that kid Parker right now, whoever he was, to be free and powerful, able to do what you want a purge away your enemies. Yes, thought Jerry, Parker knows how to live, we all have lives, but some of us actually live them, some of us actually command life itself writing their own praising histories in subtle domination. This is what I want; I want to write a eulogy for the living.
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The Prez

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Join date : 2009-06-17
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Chapter 5: In which Drew decides he should stop talking in third person :: Comments

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Post on Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:23 pm by J-Mads

Take out that fucking semi-colon; everyone hates the snobs that use them. Other than that, I just have to ask if this is set in the 1950s, and if not, I suggest that it should be.

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Post on Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:48 pm by The Prez

First off, I won candy in Communications today for knowing the proper use of a semi-colon. Secondly, I see it more of the 60's, but I guess it could be the 50's. I have really never given it a decade, except that I always saw it as in the past

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Post on Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:49 pm by strangerthanfiction

I love semicolons; they allow me to put two sentences together legally and it's amazing. I'm doing a NaNo dare with using at least fifty in my novel. Should be easy.

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Post on Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:15 pm by dohnage18

I think semicolons are obnoxious because people that know how to use them seem to use them to brag about how much they know.

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Post on Mon Oct 19, 2009 9:53 pm by The Prez

Well I got candy! HA!

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